I want to show you a power you have that you may not be aware of. It is your super power. It is the most powerful ability you have to influence other people, including your children and mom (the mother of your children).

Some dads use fear to control their spouse and children. That never ends well in the long run. You already know you cannot control another person. You cannot make someone bend to your will. But you can have a strong influence on them.

Circle of Concern

Here is a circle. I’m going to call it Circle of Concern. You have one. Everyone has one.

The Circle of Concern is filled with everything you are concerned with:

• Things that bring you happiness
• All your worries and problems
• The car breaking down
• Meeting your family’s needs
• Difficulties with Mom and the children
• Problems at work
• The weather

Your list could get pretty long.

Some things in you Circle of Concern are within your control, like getting your car fixed. Others are not, like the weather.

One of the things you have no control over is the people in your life.

Circle of Influence

In the middle of your Circle of Concern is your Circle of Influence.

Your Circle of Influence starts out small.

Although it’s true you CANNOT control other people, you CAN have an influence on them.

You do that by building relationships.

As you build relationships, your Circle of Influence grows and expands into your Circle of Concern.

What used to be completely out of your control, is now within your influence.

So, how do you build relationships and expand your Circle of Influence? By doing the only three things you have complete control over:

• What you think
• What you do
• What you say

You will use these three things to build relationships by:

• Being present physically and mentally for your children
• Showing respect for mom
• Leading by example
• Being slow to anger
• Being kind
• Being patient
• Being trustworthy
• Being honest
• Being dependable
• Being playful
• Showing unconditional love
• Being drug free
• Being sober
• Taking care of your physically health – eating healthy, avoiding putting unhealthy things into your body, exercising
• Taking care of your mentally health – putting good things into your mind and leaving bad things alone
• Staying morally clean
• Showing appreciation
• Encouraging
• Listening
• Problem-solving with family members
• Apologizing when necessary
• Forgiving
• Helping and serving
• Giving hugs to your children
• Continually learning

What used to be completely out of your control, is now within your influence – because of relationships:

• Family
• Friends
• Neighbors
• The boss
• Co-workers
• People you don’t like
• People who don’t like you

Within your influence.

People will see

• your integrity
• your trustworthiness
• your knowledge
• your good works

and will want to be around you and work together with you to solve problems or make things happen.

Now watch this. This is so powerful.

Each person within your Circle of Influence has their own Circle of Influence that you can tap into: They’ll say to you: “I can’t help you with that particular problem, but I know a guy who can.”

I was looking for a large cabin to rent to hold a family reunion near a lake. My daughter (who is in my Circle of Influence) has a friend (in her Circle of Influence) who knows a guy (in her Circle of Influence) that rents a big cabin by a lake.

You will have a greater ability to solve everyday problems and experience more joy out of life as you bring more people into your Circle of Influence.

You can use your Circle of Influence to help other people: “I can’t help you with that problem, but I know a guy who can.”

You will be more effective at teaching your children and correcting their behavior as you work on building your relationship with them.

By the way, we ended up renting that cabin for our family reunion, thanks to our circles of influence.

Your super power is your ability to expend your Circle of Influence.

This post was adapted from Stephen R. Covey’s Circle of Influence in his Book: 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.