I teach incarcerate men how to be good dads.

In the last post, I listed the dad-skills that will be covered on this website. This post gives you some tips about learning and practicing those dad-skills.

On the whiteboard, I have drawn this picture:

I tell my students, “I assume you are here because you want to be a better dad. That requires change. Are you ready and willing to change?”

Here’s the thing about change.

Change = Pain

There are two things that keep people from changing:

1. They don’t know the steps to take
2. Change = pain

I’m going to show you the steps to take. I’ve got you covered there. But you must be willing to change. I can’t do that for you.

There is only one thing that will motivate you to go through the pain to make a change:

The pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.

Is the pain of raising your children greater than the pain of learning and practicing new dad-skills?

When you come to a point and say, “I’ve had it. I’ve got to change,” that’s when change is going to happen. That’s when you break through the pain of change. That’s exactly what happened to me when I was a young dad.

You break through the pain of change by taking action and learning and practicing new dad-skills. When you do that, you rise to a higher level of self-confidence and knowledge.

You become a new person

Then a crazy thing happens. When you get good at a dad-skill,

The pain goes away.

The change has happened. You literally become a new person.

These dad-skills require you take action. They require you to learn the dad-skills, do the right things, say the right things, and risk failure.

But once you see the results of your efforts, the pain goes away. You are a new person, a better person with a higher sense of your own personal power.

With each new skill you become better, stronger

The list of dad skills introduced in the last post can seem overwhelming. Let’s be real. It’s a long list.

Here’s what I suggest: Just practice one new skill at a time.

• Choose a dad-skill.
• Learn it.
• Be passionate about practicing it.
• Look for opportunities to use it.
• Experiment with it.
• Expect some failures and learn from them.
• Be persistent.
• Do not quit and revert back to your old self.
• Practice the new skill until it becomes a habit.

Go through the pain of change until you own that skill.

The result? A new you.

Choose another dad-skill.

The chance is pretty good that instead of dreading the pain of taking on the next new dad-skill, you will look forward to it. The pain turns into a challenge.

Try it. See what happens.

One more thing.

I want you to consider the urgency of learning and practicing new dad-skills. Don’t put it off. Start now. Your children are waiting for the new dad that is going to lift them and put them on paths to success and happiness.

Moving forward

The first dad-skill I want you to learn is one of the best ways to meet your children’s need for a sense of belonging.

It is also necessary to practice this dad-skill so that your children will be receptive to what you teach and cooperative when you correct their behavior: Spend one-on-one-time.